Monday, December 31, 2012

2012 Flashback.

2012. The year my Teenage Days ended.

Every time I try to write a post to reflect on myself, I can't think of how I want to phrase everything I want to say. (Especially when I want to write about people.)

Here's an easy one. I'M THANKFUL.

I nag, complain and whine, but at the end of the day, I AM thankful for what I have in 2012.

I'm thankful for my FRIENDS.
I always remember how I used to be shy and wouldn't dare talk to anyone unless they started to speak to me first.
Surprisingly, this year, I've made so many friends. I've gotten to know so many people that I can now call my friends and I can't be happier about it. I started university in 2011 knowing nobody. Now, I actually have so many people I can call friends and I even have Project Eyecandy to gossip around with!
Then, I'm so thankful that I still have all my old (yes, you're old!) friends such as Dionne, TTC and Ruoning who still love me and want to be friends with me even though I'm so full of myself and go missing in action ever so often. I have no idea how you girls tolerate me but I want you to know that I love all of you!
I love every single one of you who I can proudly call my friend! xoxo

I'm thankful for my TRIP TO THE USA.
Best thing that happened in 2012. I'm sorry everyone... My allegiance lies with California.
I've been there 11 years ago, I don't live there, never did. BUT, if I had to choose a place I would love to call home, it'd be Los Angeles.
I've been to quite a few places, and never once have I ever felt so at ease in a place. During the time I spent in the USA, I've never felt so at ease and at home compared to everywhere else I've been to. It's as if I feel that I belong there.
In the past, I always felt that I'm back home when the plane touches down into Changi Airport. This time, I felt a little bit of unease when I reached Singapore. It's as if my dreams crashed and I'm back in reality where I'm supposed to be. Even now, I'm suffering the withdrawal symptoms of leaving California. I miss the long rides, the desserts we pass on the freeway, the food, the people, the scenery of a town... I miss everything.

I know I may be delusional, but I don't wanna wake up from this dream.

I'm thankful for my GRADES.
OMG. Last year, I regretted playing so much and not studying. I paid for my playing with my GPA and I'm still paying for it!
Thankfully, this year, I've managed to get it to somewhere more decent. A grade I feel better about although it's not what I want. Yet.
Still. This is a lot to be thankful for.
I'm thankful for my MOTHER.
My mom probably won't read this, but I really am thankful for her this year. I can't believe she tolerated all the bullshit I've thrown at her over the past year. AND SURVIVED. Hell, I was being such a brat and a bitch at times.
I'm thankful for her buying me all the things I wanted, for bringing me to the US (instead of her initial plan to visit South Korea), for being there for me even though I'm the most ungrateful daughter she's ever had (and her only one...).

Most importantly, I'm thankful for her being the one to believe I can sing. I love to sing, but I never, ever thought I could sing well. This Christmas, my parents told me that I could sing well, and that on its own is the best Christmas gift I received this year.
The movie Rise of the Guardians mentioned, "As long as one child believes, we will be here to fight fear."
Similarly, with one person who believes in me, it gives me the motivation to stand up for my dreams and keep on fighting for it. Gives me hope that I can reach my dreams.

Then, there are some other stuff that isn't so pretty this year...
Like me losing a friend. She used to be my confidante and BFF, but now, she's practically non-existent. I'm not an unreasonable person. I did try to contact her eventually and even tried to organize a meet-up, but she gave some excuse and bailed on me last minute. She may be facing problems, but you can't expect me to keep tugging on a rope when the other end has already left the game. I tried. I gave my effort, my concern, my listening ear if she needed one! I didn't expect it to be a futile effort. I tried to salvage this, but evidently, I failed to.
I'm upset about this, but at least I can say that I've tried.

2012 has been an eventful year for me. I feel like I'm a different person from who I used to be. I feel like I've grown up. A LITTLE.

If you're still here, I hope 2012 has been a good year for you too!
Have a 2012 story to tell? Drop me an email at or comment below this post to tell me all about it!

xoxo pamela

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